Thursday, May 11, 2017

darkness


The darkness always has a light
Just like the night sky has the moon
or
How space has the stars
or
I have you
You are everything to me
My light
My happiness
You are so so much more than that pretty face
You're a smile waiting to be seen
You're a laugh waiting to be noticed
You're a heart waiting to be held
I see so much more than you think I do
I've noticed the days where you are quiet
The days where you can't focus and stare at the walls
The days where you tap your foot waiting for school to end
The days where you just aren't you
I'm not imagining it, I know I'm not
I saw your light trying to break through the steel wall of skin
I saw it
Maybe I can be your darkness
Maybe you can be the star instead

Just humans


We are just humans.
Nothing special, nothing important.
We all die eventually
I never got why suicide is so important
You just kill yourself
Ending it before your actual death was
Ending it because you can't deal with life any longer
Ending it because it's gonna end someday anyways
What's the point of love
They are going to give up on you at some point
There is no one in this entire world
That will actually stick around for longer than 2 years
It sucks it really does
Falling for someone who will never
EVER
Love you back
Why does it matter if we are just humans
Nothing important or special 
We kill ourselves but it doesn't matter
We die anyways 
When you kill yourself you are just ending it sooner

Friday, April 14, 2017

Mr Galmish


I just want to thank you.
I'm very sure you are my all time favorite teacher.
You supported me through my writing
Encourage me to keep writing

On days I felt trashed and horrible
You would ask me
"Are you okay"
Most days I wasn't
Somedays I was ok
Sometimes you believed me
Other times not so much

Most other Language Arts Teachers
Didn't encourage and supported me as much as you
Which is why I let you read more of my writings
Then most people
Maybe
Corinna, Dezi, and Torren
Read as much as you do

I usually say my writing is written by stories I've heard
Some of it is
Most of the time it isn't

Thank you
For
Being a friend and caring
Most people don't

They don't listen
They don't care

But you did
You're different

Thank you, Mr. Galmish

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Mistakes


We all seem to make them
Some are good and some are bad
They say you learn from them
But we keep to make them
We hide under a smile in public
We allow those who walk by us to think
"Oh they seem perfect"
"Oh well at least you don't make these many mistakes"
But deep down below there is still a child
Who is lying to your face
Lying about being happy and Ok
Whoops
That was a mistake
It was all a mistake to cry to bed at night
To add a million scars you already have
To smile
When you weren't supposed to
To not ask for help
To not try hard enough to become a better person
But when you do finally ask for help
When you finally let go
Release it all
Mistake again.
"You are just seeking attention"
"You are lying"
"I don't care"
"Why are you telling me again?"
Soon you crawl back into that dark hole
You go back
To all that is black
You pretend again
Lie again
Sooner or later you constantly
Zone out
Stare into space and break little by little
No one sees
But inside you are dying
Hell
You are already dead
Your tears are dried up
You are not able to create
The production of water
That comes from your eyes
It just stops one day
Your heart stops
Your blood stops pumping
Your mind stops functioning
Your body stops moving
You are suddenly 6 feet under the earth
People wonder
"What Happened"
"Why did she do this"
"I wonder why she would do something like this"
"She was perfect. Why?"
Except for the people she
Opened up to
Vented to
Released unto
They know why.
They just didn't care
They ignored you and pretended it was all a lie
They acted like
You weren't worth it
That it was all a joke until
Someone dies
It's all a joke until
It's too late
Hell
It was all a mistake for them
You weren't the mistake
Their mind was
Their heart was
Not them in general
Just the way they thought
The way they cared
That was the mistake
NOT YOU.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Nature Vs Humans


Have you ever noticed
how when it rains
the world seems to be
down
or when its sunny
the world seems to be happy
like not a thing can hurt you
you can look up
and see the beauty of
the birds chirping
the flowers glisting
the roar of rushing water
you can see all beauty when its sunny
what about when it rains
no one looks around
to see all
beauty
the rainbow that shines
the puddles that glisten
the trees that rustle
in a way
humans are nature
when its sunny we smile
people say you are happy
they find the beauty in your smile
your eyes
however ythey dont notice
when you cry
you cry because you care enough
so find the rainbow
find the beauty in there tears
the beauty in pain
in sadness

They Say They Don't know


They Say
You're perfect
They don't know that we aren't perfect we are our
They say
Makeup means you're insecure
They don't know that we aren't insecure we just enjoy makeup
They say
You are too fat
They don't know we look in the mirror everyday tears in our eyes wondering what we did so wrong we look up and down at ourselves and wonder how to change we stick our fingers down our throats to throw up stand up in the mirror wiping our tears and the sweat noticing we haven't changed a bit
They say
You are too skinny
They don't know we try to eat as much as we can try to gain some weight 110, 111, 112, 113
They say
You're too dumb to get this
They don't know we try we have a tutor WE TRY OUR BEST
They say
You're a nerd
They don't know we will be the ones with the best jobs you might work for us "nerds"
They say
You aren't good enough
They don't know we fight everyday for perfection we want to fit in and be what people want we want to be what people love to be modern
They say
You cut for attention
They don't know we hurt like hell we have blades to cope with what we feel because HUMANS are the reason we have scars we have scars because of the hurtful words you makeup that the words hurt more then the cuts on our wrist

The Moral of this?
To make you think twice about what you say, to show you that what you say may not hurt you but it hurts someone else. We are the reason that people are hurt. We are the ones who need to change our hearts. not them.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

It doesnt matter pt 2


I'm tired of always wanting to make others happy
when I'm so focused on others that I forget that my feelings exist
Am I really a good person?
Am I really that person they say I am.
Am I really what they say?
I once believed that I was good enough
until I met him
One or Two people know of him
I thought I could trust him
I vented to him
How do I believe he cares?
Before him I believed in myself
It doesn't matter anyways
I have to be on top.
I get jealous easily.
It bothers me when I'm not strong enough for them
I feel worthless like nothing I say matters
I feel that the tears that are collected in my pillow don't exist
I don't sleep
I can't sleep
I lay in my bed listening to my parents arguing
I cry for them
I watched my step dad walk of the bathroom
I entered to see blood on the counter
I looked at him and cleaned it up
I walked out one time
My mother had punched my step dad in the nose
as he tried to light her on fire
I'm tired of everything I see and her
I'm tired of having to say goodbye to my father on sundays
Its not enough to see him for a day and a half then leave
I need more
I cant do this
I carry on longer I try holding on and I try to hold a smile on my lips
I act like nothings wrong
I look around and look at people who look through me and feel as I don't exist
But why would it matter if I did or did not exist in the first the place
The world still spins
My friends wont cry for me they would not even care
NOBODY understands how much I care
I put their feelings before mine
I act like my feelings aren't there
Truth is I get happy when I make others happy
But I beat myself up when I mess up
I look at the one girl who gets everything I have ever wanted
I have never wanted to be on top so much before
But its tiring being at the bottom
It doesnt matter though