Tuesday, October 4, 2016

dear daddy

(written a few years ago I believe 2010)

You left. You left me with your wife...She hated me. You chose her over me but I forgive you because I love you, daddy. I missed out on all the dances and happiness. I cried every night for three straight months. I was so tired. Not physically but emotionally. Everyone pushed me into motion little by little. Step by Step. Is it me or do I need to snap? I need to go away from smiles but even farther than miles. Tired of running from all my fears so soon they will turn into tears. I felt and looked happy painted on by you. You tell me you're the puppeteer, pulling the strings to my feelings. Everyone says that love hurts...But that's not true. Loniless Hurts, Rejection hurts, everyone confuses these things with love, In reality, Love is the only thing in the entire universe that covers that pain and makes us feel amazing again. But recently I feel no love. In the morning my eyes will not rest you are on my mind it's making me stressed, Do you really love me like you say you do? or is it to just help me with tough things. I question my sanity more than you think when I'm alone in the midst of the dark its all I think. You keep me at peace without you I'd drown. But why do I smile when I should cry. no matter how hard I try I can get rid of the pain. Its like you can't escape it, You can push it away but it will eventually come back. That's how you are to me, you are the pain that won't go away and no matter how hard I'll always be there...but only in my mind. I miss you, daddy, I need you...If you knew the pain I feel when I'm not with you when I'm supposed to be and I'm thinking all day about YOU daddy, about how you broke my heart before any boy had the chance to. Which then again never makes the pain go away. The pain you put me through I hope you never feel because the pain makes you not wanna feel. Oh, how do I miss when you would wipe my tears. One day I was dropped. Out of your mind, out of your heart and out of your car. I hope you are happy and satisfied, I really do. I want you to be happy, I want you to know I would rather bare the pain you feel. I would break these walls down in our way. If that's what it takes. I want you to be happier. With Gage, Dylan, Chasyn, and Dakota. I love you daddy. I will always love you.

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