Monday, October 24, 2016
Never good enough
Do you know how it feels? To never be good enough. Good enough of a Daughter, a sister, a student, or even a friend. Everything you do ends up hurting yourself or hurting others. The pain is too much. The feeling of being so tired of feeling worthless and feeling like you have no purpose.
I feel that every single day. I'm tired of trying, I always think it's time to give up, It seems no matter what I do or no matter how hard I try, I'm never good enough, and I'm always wrong. Always being. I always look happy, Right? Telling jokes, smiling, having a great time...dying inside. I'm hurt. And tired. Tired of all the drama, tired of never being enough. I don't want to look dramatic, weak or attention seeking. So I kept it all inside. I act like everything is perfect but I cry myself to sleep. I stand in the shower regretting being alive.
I want to live and love recklessly, fly higher, drive faster, feel too deep and act on things in spite of fear. I want to be out of control, laugh to no end, meet more weird people, make memories when I'm least expecting, settle less, and see things that are beautiful and unusual. Taste new foods, and fall in love with as many things and people as possible. I wanna learn, and question more things, because oh my god, our time is limited and good is never enough.
But oh my god I still feel worthless, stupid and never good enough. I need help. But I will never get some.