Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Nature Vs Humans

Have you ever noticed
how when it rains
the world seems to be
or when its sunny
the world seems to be happy
like not a thing can hurt you
you can look up
and see the beauty of
the birds chirping
the flowers glisting
the roar of rushing water
you can see all beauty when its sunny
what about when it rains
no one looks around
to see all
the rainbow that shines
the puddles that glisten
the trees that rustle
in a way
humans are nature
when its sunny we smile
people say you are happy
they find the beauty in your smile
your eyes
however ythey dont notice
when you cry
you cry because you care enough
so find the rainbow
find the beauty in there tears
the beauty in pain
in sadness

They Say They Don't know

They Say
You're perfect
They don't know that we aren't perfect we are our
They say
Makeup means you're insecure
They don't know that we aren't insecure we just enjoy makeup
They say
You are too fat
They don't know we look in the mirror everyday tears in our eyes wondering what we did so wrong we look up and down at ourselves and wonder how to change we stick our fingers down our throats to throw up stand up in the mirror wiping our tears and the sweat noticing we haven't changed a bit
They say
You are too skinny
They don't know we try to eat as much as we can try to gain some weight 110, 111, 112, 113
They say
You're too dumb to get this
They don't know we try we have a tutor WE TRY OUR BEST
They say
You're a nerd
They don't know we will be the ones with the best jobs you might work for us "nerds"
They say
You aren't good enough
They don't know we fight everyday for perfection we want to fit in and be what people want we want to be what people love to be modern
They say
You cut for attention
They don't know we hurt like hell we have blades to cope with what we feel because HUMANS are the reason we have scars we have scars because of the hurtful words you makeup that the words hurt more then the cuts on our wrist

The Moral of this?
To make you think twice about what you say, to show you that what you say may not hurt you but it hurts someone else. We are the reason that people are hurt. We are the ones who need to change our hearts. not them.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

It doesnt matter pt 2

I'm tired of always wanting to make others happy
when I'm so focused on others that I forget that my feelings exist
Am I really a good person?
Am I really that person they say I am.
Am I really what they say?
I once believed that I was good enough
until I met him
One or Two people know of him
I thought I could trust him
I vented to him
How do I believe he cares?
Before him I believed in myself
It doesn't matter anyways
I have to be on top.
I get jealous easily.
It bothers me when I'm not strong enough for them
I feel worthless like nothing I say matters
I feel that the tears that are collected in my pillow don't exist
I don't sleep
I can't sleep
I lay in my bed listening to my parents arguing
I cry for them
I watched my step dad walk of the bathroom
I entered to see blood on the counter
I looked at him and cleaned it up
I walked out one time
My mother had punched my step dad in the nose
as he tried to light her on fire
I'm tired of everything I see and her
I'm tired of having to say goodbye to my father on sundays
Its not enough to see him for a day and a half then leave
I need more
I cant do this
I carry on longer I try holding on and I try to hold a smile on my lips
I act like nothings wrong
I look around and look at people who look through me and feel as I don't exist
But why would it matter if I did or did not exist in the first the place
The world still spins
My friends wont cry for me they would not even care
NOBODY understands how much I care
I put their feelings before mine
I act like my feelings aren't there
Truth is I get happy when I make others happy
But I beat myself up when I mess up
I look at the one girl who gets everything I have ever wanted
I have never wanted to be on top so much before
But its tiring being at the bottom
It doesnt matter though

Thursday, March 9, 2017

It doesnt matter pt 1

 The footprints behind me on the path I came from
The puddles you see in the ground are the tears I shed
The oceans are the tears I cried for others
The trees are the walls I built between myself and my family
When the trees fall so does my wall
The earthquakes are my anger
The Mountains are my notebooks
The clouds are the words that remain in the notebook
The Grass are the feelings I feel everyday
The dirt are the scars on my arms my legs my back from human contact
The sky stands for every day smile to hide what I go through
I am human
I'm tired of hiding under the skin I hide in
I try and try
I try to make others smile
even if it means to make myself stop smiling
I am tired of feeling nothing
Feeling like I am nothing
I am so sick of feeling like Im not good enough
I cant even begin to explain how exustied I am when I compare my talents to others
And it all ends up to be nothing
Nothing to be able to hold onto
It seems as everytime I grab onto something my fingers slip
Like i'm not strong enough to grasp onto something
Like i'm not strong enough to hold onto something that makes me happy
It hurts you know
When you try to forget but it creeps back into your soul and doesn't let go
When you try to forget that your father forgets about you
When he says he doesn't want you
When Im told Im better than this
Truth is IM NOT
This is me and if you cant except that then leave
just like everyone else does
create more anxiety to creep
anxiety that follows in public making it scary to speak in front of people
making it scary to mess up
making it feel like your'e a freak to ask for help
Making it seem that your friends hate you
that they talk behind your back
the feelings that the anxiety makes you feel.
Just Maybe
it will
stop one day
All of it
The praying that it will get better, the hoping that it will stop and that there will be a purpose for every human
The fear that shakes within the body of a teenager
and tells you that it wont get better
The voices in your mind screaming and cant seem to escape
The voices telling you to give up
They tell you to hurt others
They tell you that you arent good enough
They tell you that no matter what your good is
That your good is never good enough
Thats what it is
Sorry I will go now
Sense it doesnt matter

Shawn isnt Ordinary

Shawn Mendes
Most people think he is just a teenage popstar who everyone adores
They think that all he does is sing words that aren't even his
They think that he sounds like a fimilar singer
But what they don't know
Is that
He smiles for us
He writes his words
He loves us
No not convinced yet?
He made us smile
He made us cry
He made us confused
He made us feel
Still not convinced?
What if I told you
That everything we do is
Influnced by Him
If you arent convinced yet then I dont know how to convince you how much he means to me.


I hear your voice and all I seem to hear is 'Go Away'
I love you to my death
I love the musical voice
No matter how many times you hurt me
I will always come back
No matter how many tears I shed
I will always die a bit inside
No matter in what way you hurt me
I will always love you
Love is what causes pain
Love is what causes tears
Love causes all the moments you argue who is right and who is wrong
Love will drive you crazy
I promise it will

10 things about Hailey

1. Shes Pretty
2. Super nice
3. She listens to my ranting
4. She understands
5. she will fight me or for me
6. She is sooo trustworthy
7. Never will you have a better friend
8. She always smiles
9. She puts others before herself
10. She is the most amazing person you will ever meete