Thursday, March 9, 2017

It doesnt matter pt 1

 The footprints behind me on the path I came from
The puddles you see in the ground are the tears I shed
The oceans are the tears I cried for others
The trees are the walls I built between myself and my family
When the trees fall so does my wall
The earthquakes are my anger
The Mountains are my notebooks
The clouds are the words that remain in the notebook
The Grass are the feelings I feel everyday
The dirt are the scars on my arms my legs my back from human contact
The sky stands for every day smile to hide what I go through
I am human
I'm tired of hiding under the skin I hide in
I try and try
I try to make others smile
even if it means to make myself stop smiling
I am tired of feeling nothing
Feeling like I am nothing
I am so sick of feeling like Im not good enough
I cant even begin to explain how exustied I am when I compare my talents to others
And it all ends up to be nothing
Nothing to be able to hold onto
It seems as everytime I grab onto something my fingers slip
Like i'm not strong enough to grasp onto something
Like i'm not strong enough to hold onto something that makes me happy
It hurts you know
When you try to forget but it creeps back into your soul and doesn't let go
When you try to forget that your father forgets about you
When he says he doesn't want you
Or
When Im told Im better than this
Truth is IM NOT
This is me and if you cant except that then leave
just like everyone else does
create more anxiety to creep
anxiety that follows in public making it scary to speak in front of people
making it scary to mess up
making it feel like your'e a freak to ask for help
Making it seem that your friends hate you
that they talk behind your back
the feelings that the anxiety makes you feel.
Maybe
Just Maybe
it will
stop one day
All of it
The praying that it will get better, the hoping that it will stop and that there will be a purpose for every human
The fear that shakes within the body of a teenager
and tells you that it wont get better
The voices in your mind screaming and cant seem to escape
The voices telling you to give up
They tell you to hurt others
They tell you that you arent good enough
They tell you that no matter what your good is
That your good is never good enough
Thats what it is
Sorry I will go now
Sense it doesnt matter


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